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Total destruction 

He spent years trying to destroy me emotionally and physically. When I finally got out, he tried to destroy me financially. Now he is trying to destroy the children. Not that they haven’t already suffered unbelievably – they too were almost destroyed emotionally, physically (the boy), and financially. 

They don’t need to continue to be destroyed. He takes the concept of a scorched earth divorce to a whole new level, and really does not care what damage is done as he burns his way through. 

I have emotional scars of the reminders of the abuse. The time I asked him why he hit me hard enough to bruise my leg (it was because I wouldn’t stop talking and he needed to shut me up). The times he forced sex on me even though I was clearly saying no. The times he told the children vicious lies about me to try and make them stop loving me (his words). The times he told our friends the same sorts of lies to make sure I knew no one cared about me (again, his words).  The nights I used to lie awake terrified that was going to be the night he made good on his threats and killed us all. The fact that he cut off the children and I completely from all finances and fought all the way through court that he should not be responsible financially. The fact that he has no relationship with the children and has no idea who they are. 

This is all a burden I carry. It pales in comparison to the fact that he had a conversation with my son a couple of weeks ago that left S so scared and destroyed he talks about wanting to take his own life. And now that TAB knows this, he is refusing to pay for the therapy that helps bring my child back into balance. He refuses to take any ownership for the fact that he caused this trauma. My beautiful child is at risk and he continues to try and destroy our safety. He won’t. We are brave and strong and love each other so deeply, that will pull us through just like it always has. 

This is the after effect of life with a narcissist. This is life after abuse. It’s unreal. But he will not destroy us. Love wins always. 

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