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Handing off the stress 

I spent the morning downtown meeting with my divorce lawyer. Among other things, TAB is refusing to pay to treatments that have already happened and have been agreed to in mediation. It’s ridiculous how much money has been burned in this divorce – but that is exactly what a scorched earth divorce is. The depths this man will go to to cause chaos and pain is incredible. 

What I have learned in this process is to pass off as much stress and anger as I possibly can. I have kids in crisis who are damaged and scared as a result of life with an abusive narcissist. That really needs to take up my time and focus, not worrying about the grenades he continues to launch. 

I have a great lawyer. She’s good at her job, and I click with her personally. I feel really fortunate about this. She gets who TAB is and understands the chaos and crazy he tries to create. I trust her, and I am able to hand off a lot of my worry and stress to her. It means I can take a deep breath and focus on what is important – my kids, my sanity. 

We spent a lot of time today developing a game plan to move ahead. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life fighting, but I also need to resolve some really big financial issues so that the kids and I are protected.  It’s a big price I paid giving up my career to raise the kids while he became a very successful business man. And yet, even being in this place where he has tried his hardest to leave us destitute and broken, I wouldn’t change my years at home with my kids for anything. 

I feel like he’s trying to break me. Even still, when I haven’t laid eyes on him in almost two years, he’s still trying to destroy me. It’s not just being dramatic. I spent the last years of our marriage hearing him tell me how he was going to either off me himself or drive me to a place where I lost the will to live. 

I’m stronger than he thinks I am. So are my kids. 

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