I finally watched the Survivor episode where Zeke was outed as being transgender. I’ve been working really hard the last 10 days or so on learning how to forgive. I’ve been trying to forgive my ex for things since I first met him 20 years ago – but in the last couple of weeks it has really come to my attention that if I am to move ahead in my own healing journey I need to learn how to really and truly forgive him. I don’t like it, it is the last thing I want to do – but I also want to heal and find peace and I know I have to do this.
I was watching the tribal council when Jeff Varner outed Zeke as being transgender. I’ve actually now watched it twice as I wanted S to watch it with me to see how incredibly some of the people responded to the situation.
I had been so impressed with Tai and Zeke. Tai giving Varner comfort as he broke down and realized what he had done, and Zeke not saying a harsh word but instead forgiving, saying that it was likely for a better good, hugging him and letting go.
I realized that often in situations that need forgiveness, compassion, and love instead of responding like these two men and offering it with their whole hearts, I respond more like Sarah who instantly turned the entire situation into an “all about me” moment. The first time I watched I didn’t notice as much, but the second time around it really became obvious the two different reactions to the pain (whether on purpose or by accident) that Varner caused.
Sarah told Varner he was malicious and cruel and then went on a rant about how much this game had changed her that despite how sheltered she had grown up she didn’t see Zeke any differently. Tai and Zeke just turned to Varner, said what he had done was not cool, but offered him so much compassion and forgiveness. It was impressive to watch these men act with so much dignity.
It’s impressed upon me once again how important it is to respond with compassion and forgiveness to Tab when what I really want to do is scream from the rooftops about what an evil dick he is.
So I will continue to pray and meditate and really watch what comes out of my mouth, but more importantly what sits in my heart.
I don’t have many examples of how to forgive someone who has hurt me deeply, and I am hugely appreciative of the fact that I was able to watch these men behave with such grace and love.